I stopped this morning and looked around at all of the 'things' we've prepared for this little human, and just breathed in the silence and perfection of his last days & weeks inside of me.
There's this space between the Facebook pregnancy announcement, and the gender reveal, and the searching for a perfect name, and the time that my body will do what it was created to do, where I find myself in a state of peaceful anticipation.
This journey of carrying my boy is coming to an end, and there is a bitter sweetness to that.
In these last days together, he is all mine. His movements and rhythm are only known by me. I can sit in the busiest room, and no one but me is aware of his jabs and kicks. But soon I'll share him with the world.
And some days I feel ready for that, and others I'm not ready to give up this time when it's just the two of us.
This space between is filled with a teetering between angst and calm.
My body has become something that is out of my control. It knows exactly what to do to grow this child, and when my tears of frustration flow from the unknown, I will trust.
And when I feel myself losing the trust and patience I know belongs in me, I'll trust some more.
In this space between, I'll let myself get lost in the quietness. I'll marvel at the tiny things for him that are now a very real part of my world, and I'll imagine who he'll be.
I'll soon be looking back on these final weeks that seem to go on forever, and marvel at how quickly they passed. And I'll be holding my boy in my arms instead of in my belly.
So in this space between his little heart that started beating before I knew of him, and when my heart started beating for him, I just breathe. I breathe patience. Because this space between is so small, and so filled with the mysterious beginnings, and all of the wonder this new beginning will bring.
In this space, I'll sit with him while it's just the two of us, and trust him to choose his day.
A day when this world will have a new little voice to hear.
